Angry
Despite teaching a class for several grateful students this morning, with a lovey cat, and having a good conversation with a friend, I’m ending the evening feeling utterly irritable.
Everything rubs raw.
Irritation arises.
There is anger here.
“Why?!” I started to think, “There’s no good reason to feel this cloud of rage!”
Then I looked at the death toll for today. There’s every reason.
I realized during my last therapy session that not only do I find anger frightening when others express it, I see my own anger as something so dangerous that I can’t let it out around anyone else. My anger can potentially cause harm to come to me if it is seen.
I’ll be unpacking this for a while. I knew how I felt anger anger in general. I tend to be conflict adverse because visible anger from my Mother signaled danger. I didn’t realize I viewed my own anger as so potentially dangerous.
The 9th Grave Precept is not not give rise to anger. Working with that helped me understand that getting angry is a normal emotion, it’s how and what we do with it that’s key. Moreover, anger can energize us to act, hold strong, or change.
Mostly though it’s a sign to rest.
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