Integrity Between Peers
I have a peer I've struggled with for five years. We're very close in age and level of training, they've taken more than I have at this point.
They never can wholeheartedly compliment accomplishments of mine. I've introduced them to a professional marketing group that's running an online yoga therapy conference. I submitted two talks, versions of the ones I was accepted to give at two different conferences that were to have happened this year.
I haven't been accepted, but my peer apparently has and it's really irritating me. I introduced her to this and the idea of giving these tasks. I'm having a hard time letting it go.
It feels so unfair because I recently had my last conversation with them where I gently corrected some problematic language they used around race. They responded with a social media post that misrepresents our conversation in a way to bolster their problematic language use and gather in sympathy.
I feel like this person has no integrity and they're gaslighting me with their post. It leaves me feeling livid. For them to succeed at something I was trying to do myself, and I failed, feels unjust.
Which is why I have insomnia tonight.
Well, all that and I feel ashamed of feeling this way. I feel like I'm not doing my yoga to be so angry at this person I seeing as having bad integrity getting chosen over me. It makes me feel selfish and petty.
I've been punished on multiple occasions for my "competitiveness", and this feels like the same energy. If I can't let go of this I'm a problem.
At therapy I said I was going to try and keep in mind times when it feels like I'm not fitting in. This feels like that to since I've tried for years with this peer to have a mutually supportive connection. Times like this I tend to feel like I'm the bad one.
In reality, times when I don't fit in have been times when when the group (e.g., my family) or the person, is toxic.
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