Like Words Together Reflections from the deep end of Practice.

14Jan/210

What Fresh Hell

Today began with seeing a post from my teacher sharing that she had COVID.

Then a friend shared that her Dad died Monday from cancer. Alone at the hospital because of COVID.

T* was impeached again.

I finished my clean up of the utility room. The floor could use mopping, multiple passes, but it's been swept well and looks much better. I hauled a big bag of trash from the basement out to the bin and another from the garage. I also got a big stack of cardboard out for recycling too.

I mostly avoided news until the evening, when CK and I could partake, discuss, and integrate together. Cleaning took most of the afternoon and I managed a little work on budget stuff.

Then I found out my closest college friend woke up with a fever, cough, and chills. She's professional caregiver and just received word about her vaccination. She's awaiting results from a COVID test and isolating in her home, away from her family.

9Jan/210

It’s the Racism

My art group met online today to make oracle cards together. I’m excited about this project; making a single card a week for the year! I’m going to finish up two cards tomorrow to get started.

I’m always happy to discover that my friends are either already been doing the work to interrogate their whiteness or are getting started without question. Even still, I’m stuck at how much white people dance around racism.

There’s been energy invested in pointing to economic downturns, but this is just smoke and mirrors. It’s about white people not wanting a world that is filled with people who are Black and all other colors, who are queer, who know gender is on a continuum.

I’m tired of a “both sides” approach, there is no balance when one side thinks you don’t deserve to live.

7Jan/210

Coup Hangover

A student told me how grateful she was that I taught today. Others shared her sentiment, saying that my class brings some balance and normalcy during these riotous, pandemic days.

It feels so good to know that I'm helping people, but it's also fatiguing to create this for people.

It's estimated that 4000 people died from COVID today.

Trump is still in office despite having provoked a coup attempt.

I lightly bumped my left hip at the market, but I hit a tender point! My body reacted with intense pain that's still lingering, several hours and ibuprofen later. Thankfully I have PT tomorrow, so that tender point will get attention.

I picked up fresh rose water while at the market so I'll be experimenting with my coup cocktail again soon.

5Jan/210

Back in Class

I started teaching online today. 13 students came and they're stayed after for kirtan! It felt pretty good to be back at it.

I considered taking another week off since CK is still off, but I think I made the right choice to start. We still have the afternoon to connect, aside from tomorrow which is a therapy day.

We're both continuing to make progress on various house projects. I feel hopeful that tomorrow's session won't be too destabilizing. I haven't felt as much from Age 6 Sherri the past 2 weeks; there's been a lot happening and she's felt cared for.

3Jan/210

New Year Nesting

I cleaned up cobwebs and sentient dust brings from the office downstairs. Then I vacuumed. I organized the storage area in a way that will enable us to have origami paper easy to get to. I also folded towels and put fresh linens on the bed!

A gift I ordered for CK for Christmas, a stunning light, arrived with a small chip. The expense was such, and it was a gift, that I told the company about it. Today a another lamp set arrived, no need to send back the slightly damaged one!!!

We'd considered a second for my side of the bed because CK set her gift up her side, loving the way it provided indirect, low light, and is a small sculpture. Now we have two!

This also meant a pair of small lamps, over if which I'd used in the bedroom, became altar lights. I love how it looks at the light it gives me while meditating is great!

I also got a reply to a difficult letter I sent last month; a company changed their bag-check policy after I had a terrible experience being told I had to check my wallet because wearing it on my body, as opposed to in a pocket, made it a "purse"

That feels HUGE!!

I'm sure I'll ache a lot when I wake up, but I feel good about what over accomplished!

2Jan/210

2021

So it goes. A new year is here but existence is still fraught. Time feels even more like this construct these days.

With that in mind, some hopes for the New Year.

I'm hopeful vaccines will become available to us. I am hopeful I will get access more quickly than CK since I'm a hospice volunteer, this is good since I have more exposure.

I'm hopeful we'll be able to have routine health appointments next year, things like having our teeth cleaned.

I'm hopeful that CK and I will continue to work together to support each other.

I'm hopeful that I will integrate several more terrible years of childhood trauma, giving me more balance and presence.

I am hopeful that we'll survive without Unemployment Insurance payments, even if it scares me.

I'm hopeful we'll really make a budget.

I am hopeful that we'll get rid of a lot of stuff and get better about having a cleaner, more organized home environment.

I am hopeful that we'll get the taxes caught up and paid off, somehow.

I am hopeful that CK's company will address relocation assistance and we will begin our move to Canada.

I am hopeful it will be safe to take long drives and walk on the beach again.

7Dec/200

Kitten Hijinks

Having a night where no title occurs to me so I'm noting something that's bringing joy to the darkening days as we get closer to winter. He's sitting in my lap purring loudly.

It was a day full of chores, video creation, and newsletter production. Plus making dinner and cleaning up the kitchen. It's always nice you start the week cleaned up.

I say that while in my head my Inner Jerk, "Whinnie", is telling me what a failure I am as a housekeeper. Yep, she's still around.

3Dec/200

The Big Gift

We finally got the old couch hauled away and about a week later the new couch arrived. We put it together last night. It isn’t an upgrade, but it’s such an improvement.

CK keeps worrying that she didn’t get us a “big gift”, but now that it’s here it is easier to remind her that she did! The new, upgraded chair cushion is great both in color and feel. Tomorrow I’ll put the matching foot rest together.

It’s also a furniture refresh we could do safely from home. Delivery was safe, one persons barely entered with a mask on and the door wide open. We could put it together ourselves. COVID changes priorities a lot.

CK had an interaction with a care provider today that left her feeling bad about herself and eating. Given how hard we’ve worked for her to enjoy food again, especially given her weight loss due to food apathy this year, I was livid.

I’d wanted to use my boxing game, but discovered the controllers were dead. (I’m just now remembering there’s TWO sets!) I was agitated about CK experiencing food shaming and couldn’t focus so I rearranged some small furniture in the living room. It looks cozy and was a great surprise to CK when she came upstairs.

2Dec/200

Pie Over Indulgence

I’m waiting for my mild heartburn to subside. I polished off my pie for dessert with wine. One or the other, since it was really 2 slices worth, would have been fine after takeout burgers & fries, but both was too much.

I’d a simple plan to make something, but our new, inexpensive IKEA sofa showed up this morning and putting it together kind of wore us out. CK fed the creatures while I picked up food.

Last night I didn’t have wild dreams. I think starting the new memoir in therapy, along with all the grief stacking up around this time of year and Obie dying, really has been stirring up my subconscious.

That’s all without COVID which hangs over our lives. Vaccines are being rushed, but then we’ll have all the anti-vax folks out in force saying it’s a conspiracy! I’m so tired of these people.

I finished a new piece today, a tiny shrine, and got it into the post office this afternoon! Saturday my art group is all getting together online and everyone’s mailing a package this week so we’ll all have one to open when we’re together.

The bare tree has lost interest to Ursa, tomorrow we’re going to decorate! Thankfully we already have a theme of non-breakable ornaments!

21Nov/200

Rat, No Rat

The traps weren't sprung this morning. Bertie didn't go on alert all day.

We set one out in the pantry section of the garage, a place we've caught one before, and reset out the basement one.

Watching Ursa with toys we can tell he'd kill birds, bugs, amphibians, reptiles, and small mammals. He's far too tiny right now so we're keeping him away.