Like Words Together Reflections from the deep end of Practice.

25May/200

Masks as Political Statements

Despite not pushing myself, taking breaks, and trying to move mindfully while gardening yesterday, my pain level had been very high today. I was really grateful I took the day off and this morning CK and I played video games while moving slowly.

I got some lettuce and kale planted for us.

We talked about the horrible white woman in Central Park off and on. I'm feeling pretty disheartened between her and a friend sharing she was harassed for wearing a mask at her local market.

"Rural is angry.", she noted about it.

My head hurts, mostly allergy related, butt partly the day's accumulated anger. My heart hurts, how can so many people believe wearing a mask to be protective of others and self is a political statement.

But it's 2020 and here we are.

24May/200

Gardening for Hope

I got another raised bed prepped today! Tomorrow I can plant some lettuce and kale starts CK has waiting.

We've been dealing with home repair issues too. Our washing machine needs a new cord. We've managed to diagnose the issue and next weekend will fix it. We got it running fine, we think part the problem is the outlet.

This simple stuff has been good to bring focus on what is most needed. Or top priority is our well-being.

"Us first."

We started saying this after getting my Mother out of our home and lives. She'd done her level best to undermine and destroy what we'd built together, but we're stronger.

That said, these pandemic days are far more frightening than family drama. This is saying something given what a horror show my family was.

We're at nearly 100,000 people dead of COVID19 in the USA.

23May/200

Seventy Dinners

It wasn't grand or special. We didn't even have exactly the same thing, my entree was leftovers and CK had hot dogs cut up in baked beans, yes, beanie weenie. There were carrot sticks for a veg side. The fruit salad for dessert was the most labor intensive part of dinner.

It was tasty, filling, and nutritious enough. We both ate our seventieth dinner together, that's the most important part. We played games together at the dining room table then each of us on a computer game, but in the same room together.

While checking on the dogs out in our yard I admired the bees attending all of flowers blooming right now.

20May/200

Unstable Days

Having a day where there isn’t much to say. Despite feeling sad, I managed to get quite a few tasks done for the house and make us a pretty tasty dinner all from scratch, aside from dry pasta.

Dinner #67

Perhaps I’ll do something special Saturday for dinner 70.

I’m sad about the pandemic and despairing for the state of my country. I’m daily enraged by accounts of white people refusing to wear masks for the greater good and of cops assaulting people of color who don’t wear one while giving them out with smiles to whites people. I’m feel increasingly fearful and it isn’t misplaced.

19May/200

Ninety Thousand

How is it that we're at the number and the protests are for people to be served?

I say that and I know the answer. The racism that has only seemed subtle because I am a white woman living in a state that had exclusion laws to make sure it stayed as white as possible for as long as possible. It isn't subtle anymore.

White people clamoring for life to "go back to normal" when what they really mean it's for them to go back to being served. Refusing to wear masks because the disease disproportionately affects black and brown people, and affects them in more ways, more seriously.

I'm so sick of American Exceptionalism.

There's no greater good. There's only my good for me and mine and those people who look and act like I do.

I feel so exhausted today, even after napping. Grateful that CK dropped our ballots off, that dinner was easy, and that I talked with friends today over Zoom and just texting. I'm grateful for our beloved companion animals even if they can be really tedious at times.

17May/200

Housewife

The work of feeding us is my chore. It is a task that really brings CK a lot of stress and is one that it makes sense for me to take on. I usually enjoy this task, but I’m finding many times I’m so apathetic about food that it’s been challenging. This on top of the food fatigue CK experiences has made feeding us an adventure.

We stopped eating out. It has been deemed relatively safe to get take out, but we feel that's a point of potential exposure we’d rather not have. CK helps by being pretty accepting of whatever meal I manage. Sometimes we’re coaxing each other to eat.

Today I had 2 different types of Clif Bars because I couldn’t manage anything else for myself. CK did moderately better and by dinner I was up to cooking.

Many household tasks are my realm of influence. I’m the keeper of the hearth, a role that not only makes sense as I don’t have a “regular” job. I’m also teaching and finding ways to do my work, but housewife has become my rule more and more.

I’m surprised and pleased to discover this is a good role for me.

4May/200

Monday Monday

It wasn’t all I thought it would be, but it was an alright day for a pandemic. I believe we’ve been doing this for just over fifty days. I made us fancy dessert involving chocolate and the microplane.

I’m really glad CK is off call as of tomorrow at 10. Her 3am pages haven’t helped the tired feelings the past week.

Still making art that tracks the ever increasing death toll. I’m counterbalancing with participating in photo groups and other things, like fancy dessert and Animal Crossing.

28Mar/200

Little Things

CK fixed the kitty light she gave me for Christmas. It was supposed to be rechargeable, but it didn’t work right. She took it apart and figured out how to make it run off a camera battery. It lasts for a couple of months of use in the Yoga room at night.

Two weeks of isolation is working so far. We’re both well and still getting along. I’m down and anxious, but not collapsing. Slow, steady, and physically distant wins the race?

My back pain has been higher today. I think part of it is anxiety. Part of it might well playing around with different yoga movement and gardening.

I connected with friends and made art today. I played video games, reminding myself that I enjoy the Switch. I made a satisfying meal despite really not wanting to cook.

This is how we endure.

22Mar/200

Victory Garden

We woke up early to go to the hardware store. There were a few bumps, but we got a seed starting station set up downstairs. We moved the old garage-based setup downstairs to the utility room. This puts it right of the veggie garden.

CK helped me get one big bed and a small bed ready to plant. We picked up just a few starts and put them into the beds today. Sugar Snap Peas, kale, collards, Walla Walla onions, and a full plant all went in before the rain comes in.

We're not the only people thinking of Victory Gardens this year, it is a reasonable activity to turn to at times such as the extraordinary ones we're in now. It is something we can do together, it gets us outside on the fresh air, and in the end we have fresh flowers and vegetables to enjoy ourselves and share.

All that and I’m ready to try a class tomorrow!

21Mar/200

Some Days Are Like That

Today felt off. It was my day to feel down, unproductive, and useless. My anxiety was high and a nap in the afternoon didn’t help. In fact, I woke up more anxious and fretting about dinner.

This is the new normal. This strange new world of rising rates of infection and death. Monitoring for fever. Seclusion for safety.

Almost daily I’ve reflected how grateful I am my Mother’s dead. I remember her fighting me about washing her hands, snidely calling me, “Howard Hughes” and accusing me of being a germphobe. I literally shudder to even consider trying to get her to step it up more!

We got more of the beds cleared and have planned an early trip to the hardware store. Our apathy about the garden has been cast off. Creating a victory garden is something we can enjoy together.