Like Words Together Reflections from the deep end of Practice.


Joy, Amidst the Sorrow

CK received a commendation and small monetary reward for giving a presentation to another team. Then she received another significant bonus for the great year she and her team have had. All that and she loves her job!

I'm really proud of her. Doing good work this year takes so much more effort.

I'm also really grateful she has a job that truly values and celebrates her for who she is. It's such a refreshing change.

I managed to get several tasks done around the house and on my computer. All that despite sleeping poorly.

I've decided to stop judging myself for my insomnia. It's just what this time is. I had planned to teach a workshop on the Yoga of Sleep this year. Somehow struggling with insomnia again feels like failure. Like I'm a fraud because my tools aren't working for me right now.


Obie vs. Pills

Obie got his first pill Thursday night, the over that's to help him stop vomiting. It was a pretty easy experience.

This morning I attempted the first steroid dose this morning. They are bitter and it didn't go smoothly. I got it in him, booty he also scratched me and drew blood in 6-7 places!

Bless AF who saw my tweets and offered up interim gel capsules to put bitter pills into and a pill popper tool. I choose to combine both his second doses of steroid and stomach pills into one capsule. Rather than give him 3 pulls daily.

I also wrapped him up. He still managed to bite me, no short sleeves for this job, but I got the pill into him more quickly.

We'll see how he does with the whole procedure and if the medication helps. The stomach one we're hopeful about, her hasn't thrown up in a few days.



An unexpected package arrived for me today containing a gift arranged for me by my friend and teacher. Given how low with anger and grief I've felt this week, this was such a ray of light.

I was reminded of the studies on gratitude and how surprises, like this today, are more nourishing, as it were. It's good for us to really reflect on them, as many details as we can recall about the event brought into the memory.

This weekend I'm going to sit with CK and makea list of Things That Need Doing Before the Election. I've already started thinking about some food things, what to restock from early spring.

I'm also just moving forward with teaching. I'm making more space for people to talk about how they're doing, it's so isolating and, as one student put it, "There's no ended in sight!"


Shopping Joy

It's already my birthday because I am, once again, up well past midnight. Pandemic Night Owl, that's for sure. I did decide I'd sleep better after a shower and that I wanted to wake up to a clean kitchen. These are often reasons I'm up late.

I spent some money frivolously today. I'd ordered a Japanese stationery blind box last month and it arrived just in time for my birthday. The website kept autocorrecting my home address, giving it the wrong zip code, so I opted to pick my box up in person at the downtown Kinokuniya Bookstore. I'd still not visited and this seemed like the perfect match up.

CK even suggested I get blind box toys for myself for my birthday since she hadn't thought to order any and doesn't go out anymore.

Side note; such a safe shopping experience! They check your temperature when you come in, as you're cleaning your hands off with a squirt of hand sanitizer they give you upon coming into the foyer of the store! No one messing around with a partial mask either! That alone made me delighted to spend an hour wandering around!

I also got art supplies for myself; cool dot pens and a tiny alphabet stamp set. I found some gifts for friends, I'm planning to mail some things out soon to people to lift their spirits.

My Mother really shopped for comfort and had truly boggling quantities of clothing, nicknacks, and all kinds of personal care products. There were other things too, bought and hoarded but never really enjoyed.

Retail Therapy is such an accepted thing, but it has certainly got me into trouble in my 20s and 30s. Our capitalist society is all of putting holidays and furniture on credit. I try not to fall for it anymore, it really doesn't help and things don't always give me the kind of joy I'm needing.

Today though, it was a frivolous spend and a bit of money. I've already been playing with the dot pens in my art journal and had a blast opening up all the blind box toys. The Maido-in-a-Box was so worth it, I was hesitant about the next one as the theme is ink and calligraphy. This one, "Back to School", is so thoughtfully done that I'm inclined to get it. I also remembered that lettering is something I want to improve on.


Strange Celebrations

I attended the 50th birthday celebration of a college friend via Animal Crossing tonight. Several folks who also play attended and it was very sweet.

With my own birthday less than a week away, I'm trying to decide what I might like to do without going anywhere or seeing much of anyone. Zoom birthday happy hour, like we did for CK? Animal Crossing play? Physically distant visits from friends to the backyard?

CK suggested tonight that I investigate produce delivery again. Once again peaches picked and packaged by Freddie's have bruises before ripening, one so badly it's not really usable. She's all for more expense with less trips for me since they are both time consuming and stressful.


Friends Outside

Today I dropped off yoga props with friends and two shops. Seven stops total. Getting straps, eye pillows, and a mat to friends felt good. I picked up specialty and bulky items, then dropped them off.

Got home and jumped right into dinner, granted it mostly consisted of making peanut sauce, but still! I went all out today.

At a few stops I hung out with folks outside for a little bit. It was good to see people, although it's still hard to hold back. I wore a mask the whole time. I'm glad I have more to use now!

It was tiring, perhaps 1 less stop next time! I also got something awesome in the mail today! These times are so strange and hard, I'm grateful for all the good moments!


Goodbye Yoga Props

When I got my teaching certificate I had a dream of becoming a "yoga studio on demand". I could show up anywhere within driving distance and set up a class with props for 10.

After leaving tech I expanded my inventory. I made a capital investment to purchase bolsters, two types, and more straps. More I could offer Restorative Yoga anywhere.

For a while it was great. I rented dance studios and made them yoga studios for small classes. When those dwindled to the point I was paying to put them on and no one would show up, I stopped.

They props lived in the van, four large Rubbermaid cases and one big suitcase to hold them all, until we needed it. Then they moved to the garage.

Now there's COVID. I won't be teaching in person anywhere for a long time. The props were taking up space now.

Today I sold them a huge discount to the Om Thrive Foundation. The Foundation supports survivors of domestic violence and was created by an amazing Black woman, Day Bibb. The bolsters, blocks, and blankets will be packaged up to be delivered to participants in the program.

I was so happy dropping them off today that I nearly cried.

Getting straps, which can be triggering to domestic abuse survivors (I absolute get this), to students and friends. Ditto for mats.


In Which Everything Feels Catastrophic

I was going to write about how grounding teaching was today against the news that local police spent the night escalating violence. Again.

I was going to expand on the unintended art of a melted canister reflecting back how yesterday made me feel.

Then there was a small explosion in the neighborhood. The boom woke up CK. I saw the flash of it while working on my art journal. I investigated outside a little, but w we were left with the belief that some asshole must have set off a firework.

Until I came upstairs just before midnight to a terrible whine. I tensed at it and went through the house turning off fans, trying to trace it. As i got to the bathroom I saw flashing, amber lights.

Upon going outside with CK’s halal on I discovered power company workers with a bucket truck. I was able to discover the earlier explosion was a fuse going out, the part of the neighborhood across the street were without power!

This all woke up CK for the third time tonight. We’re both pretty wired, her brain got really worried hearing me leave the house with male voices and noise.

I’m struck at how quickly our brains expect the worse. 2020 keeps providing catastrophes, another seems plausible. I was expecting to find a car accident. I’m rather grateful to be wrong AND the explosion has been explained!


Taxes, Cops, and COVID

We've been trying to get caught up on our taxes and at the end of last year we'd got 2016 filled and paid.

Or so we thought.

Several years ago we both experienced identify theft around taxes. As a result, we have PINs issued each year and getting behind has meant they expired and we had to send in a paper copy.

Later this winter we received a letter stating we had to verify our identification before they can accept the paper copy. Then COVID happened and the offices closed up.

I’ve been trying off and on for a while. This morning I tired again.

I eventually got to someone after getting disconnected repeatedly on the number the letter said to call. I’d tired another number on a different letter saying we now have a credit.

I was ultimately told to try the number that says it’s having technical difficulties and disconnecting me. That our make an appointment to go in person in an office located in the Federal Building.

If it’s open. I should risk COVID exposure to enter a building that’s currently boarded up and surrounded by both federal and local cops dressed in riot gear.

I got a lot upset. Thankfully CK came upstairs to give me hugs and support.

There was freshly harvested salad for dinner, so that was good. I’m really grateful for the last two things.


Police vs. Portland

Our local cops gave a no-confidence in the City commissioners, saying, "Someone had to protect Portland."

We have federal cops launching tear gas and non-lethal (less lethal?) at protestors and arresting both protestors and journalists.

We keep telling the police what we want and all they do is escalate. Now with the support of the feds. I'm sickened.

I had a wave of shakes and a little nausea earlier, soon after looking at photos and video is my beloved city and the protestors standing up the cops. My hands shook so much, I felt shaky all over, and I ended up laying on the sofa for a few minutes with the dogs.

Trauma news on top of take-away sushi and tempura was a little rich and intense for my system.

Our Bee Balm is pretty glorious right now. I'm grateful.