Vancouver B.C. June 24, 2008
We eventually made our way out of the flat to find hot beverages. We decided we would check into Sweet Cherubim for coffee and chai. Upon entering we were drawn to the enormous dessert case filled with an array of cookies, raw pies, truffle like things (called such names as "bliss ball"), bars, chocolate dipped things (mostly all vegan) then around the corner to the hot food case¿filled with mostly Indian dishes. Everything is vegetarian. They use some dairy in a couple of curries and samoas, but otherwise no dairy or eggs in anything. Some dishes use honey so are not strictly vegan. The coffee was strong, not bitter, and the soy milk had a great foam on it. We had to wait a bit for the chai CK had ordered, but it turned out to be entirely worth it since it was fresh made and not sweetened at all.
Then down The Drive to the Sky Train station on Broadway. We caught the train directly down to the Science World on main and spent the afternoon playing with puzzles, reaction games, light experiments (on an IR camera you can tell I'm just colder), sound and water experiments. Overall reminding me much of OMSI in Portland, only much larger. The building is also really fantastic (featuring a distinctive "Bucky Ball" as the top half of the building). We sat down and enjoyed a late lunch there of some of the hummus CK had made, the sunseed & avocado pate I'd made, bread, carrots, and nuts. There is an awesome view of the waterfront and city from the cafe area.
We made our way from the waterfront to Chinatown. We didn't spend as much time here, mostly just strolled through admiring some of the buildings, banners, and the generally lovely day. 
On recommendation from the Lonely Planet guide (which made mention of "wind up robots" **didn't see any) we popped into Funhauser and had a look around. Maybe becuase we have Finnegan's in Portland and I make semi-regular purchases from Archie McPhee's I felt a little underwhelmed.
It seemed a good time to find a beer and we made our way on across West Hastings (pan handlers, drug addicts, etc. - fine to walk through during the day, but I don't think I'd recommend at night) to Gastown. What can I say...
In the back of my mind I recalled dimly that Gastown was something of a tourist draw. The retired guys with camcorders, shiny-happy-themed "pubs", and tourist shops hawking stuff for the 2010 winter Olympics were everywhere. CK noted later that she should have realized after the third place selling authentic Canadian maple syrup-based treats that we had gone to a part of town we'd rather not be in. It was only reinforced when I went to take CK's picture at the steam clock and the nice man who offered to take our picture together then hustled us for two toonies (roughly $4 USD). By the time we made it up this gauntlet to what Lonely Planet described as a real brewpub, then only to find it was yet another sanitized-for-the-masses establishment we decided to head into downtown towards the library.
We consulted Lonely Planet again and decided to give the Railway Club a try and a possible refuge from all the tourists in Gastown. This time we were not disappointed in this very Brit-style pub. Lots of wood, a good bar, nice selection on tap, and various signed memorabilia from Canadian musicians on the wall. A couple of pints and very tasty cajun fries later we departed for the library.
Why the library? First of all it is a gorgeous building. Imposing, but still inviting. 7 stories of books in many languages, periodicals, computers, etc. Oh and free transit maps! We picked up an assortment of transit maps and were delighted to discover that we were mere blocks from a Sky Train station. We walked around a bit more, went up to the top to look down the open atrium at books on carts far below, and then on to the station.
Another panhandler didn't hustle us and gave us great information on the train. We gave him some of our change, our thanks, and made our way down, down, down to the platform. We were several more stops along, but the train really speeds along at great speeds. In very quick time we were back to The Drive, picked up some take out from Sweet Cherubim (oh, the tikka!) and collapsed at the flat around 10PM!
PDX to Vancouver June 23, 2008
Long day, long drive.
I had my usual pre/during-travel anxiety in high gear. Knowing I’d forgotten important things (most of which can be replaced in Vancouver anyway). This feels so hard to pin down, nothing concrete in memory to attach to and go, "ah-ha, that's why..." Maybe it is just the uncertainty of leaving the safety of my routine.
Avis failed to hold our reserved car (G6), tried to put us in something of a similar size (Eclipse) and ended us up in a rather large and surprisingly dirty, but mostly comfortable Grand Prix. We were on the road at about 8AM and headed up towards Seattle. The issue about the car was annoying because we were expecting to get to use a line in to the stereo for our iPods! We ended up getting transmitters (yes, have tried two at this point) which will be returned at home.
I was pleased that I was able to recall how to get to the Sunlight Cafe, a vegetarian place on the outside edge of the University District. I’d eaten there when doing my yoga teacher training and recalled it was at least vegan-friendly. I was still feeling the anxiety pretty much and my blood sugar was dropping rapidly when we got to the restaurant so it was hard not to feel a little cranky that the navy bean soup somehow had been made with dairy (why?)! I finally settled, with some prompting from CK, to order the tostada. I was gratified that the option to sub “avocado” (by which they mean: guacamole, which IS tasty but is certainly not the same as slices of avocado-y goodness on a dish). The Red Zinger iced tea was refreshing. CK enjoyed her lemonade as well as her very tasty tofu sandwich.
We continued up I5 towards B.C. The day was lovely, cloudy but not raining, and it was nice enjoying the trees rushing past our windows. We listened to a couple of stories from Miranda July’s collection of short stories, “No One Belongs Here More Than You” (which she reads), some music, the sounds of our voices, and the sound of the road rushing by beneath us.
At the suggestion of a co-worker we crossed into B.C. outside of Lynden, Washington. It is a much smaller crossing than the Peace Arch and we were over in under 15 minutes. I noted that the U.S. side was also pretty quiet too, although we’ll be returning on Saturday so it might be a bit busier. We hit some rush hour traffic outside of Burnaby and crawled our way along Canada Hwy 1 for a while (broken down car) until it cleared up outside of Vancouver. We quickly made our way to the 1st Avenue Exit, followed that down to Commercial Drive, and finally arrived at the one-bedroom flat we’d rented on Kitchener Street.
We went to The Charlatan for a couple of pints, did a little shopping for breakfast, and went to Yogi’s for dinner.
The Charlatan is pretty trendy and boasts a menu dripping cheese & butter, heavy in meat, and seafood. Needless to say, we each had a pint and enjoyed sitting on their patio watching the folks of “The Drive” bustle through the evening. I mentioned to our waitperson that we had said no to dinner options because CK & I are vegan. She nodded and commented to me that we could find a better dinner elsewhere anyway! I mentioned that we were thinking of trying out Yogi’s and she encouraged us to go, mentioning she’d eaten there several times.
Yogi’s was very tasty! Kind of a more modern approach than the usual curry walla. We were able to order a pint and settled on a marinated bean salad served atop a papadum, which was very tasty. We split the Punjabi Stew entree along with a whole wheat naan. The stew, a rich spinach (saag) with potatoes was very tasty and was accompanied by basmati rice steamed with cumin seeds. We have discussed returning for the cauliflower/potato dish (a twist on aloo gobi) is later in the week.
We then settled into our truly lovely suite and fell pretty much instantly asleep!
The suite is located on Kitchner Street, half a block off of Commercial Drive. The owner lives in the house above, the suite being a refinished, basement one-bedroom. It is very conveniently located with numerous restaurants, shops, markets, and easy public transport nearby and within walking distance. We were very pleased with the space, finding it immediately comfortable. The owner was happy to loan us her measuring spoon set so I would be able to bake some birthday cupcakes and offered some of her recommendations for places to eat. We will certainly visit this suite again, it really makes staying in Vancouver a treat.
The Fifth Grave Precept
Proceed clearly. Do not cloud the mind.
At first, when I saw the fifth precept written as, “don’t drink or take drugs”, I felt some surprise at seeing a precept expressed in a way that sounded to me like a commandment from the Judeo-Christian faith I had grown up with. After I saw the fifth precept written as advice to “Not cloud the mind”, the meaning for it gained greater clarity. It isn’t just an admonishment to avoid substances that might cause one to break other precepts, but advice to avoid anything that encourages us to be "clouded"; distracted and not present in each moment.
There is the obvious pain and suffering caused by by the misuse of alcohol and drugs. I grew up watching my step-father's functional alcoholism, hearing terrible stories of my father's alcoholic rages, and feeling deep anxiety when family gatherings encouraged drunken comments. All my life my father and step-dad chose to cling to their addictions to alcohol, cigarettes, and prescription drugs. That clinging hastened their early deaths by weakening their bodies beyond the ability to be repaired. For as many times as they each may have said they loved me in real life each of their deaths left me with the pain of knowing that the addictions were more important.
A clear as the danger of the misuse of intoxicants is to me, when this precept expanded beyond a simple directive around using alcohol or drugs I was able to clearly see the other ways my family preferred clouded, distracted minds. Eating to avoid the pain, dissatisfaction, and rage that simmered just below the surface of every family gathering. The gathering itself providing the excuse, as well as the means, to cloud the mind with food. Shopping, acquiring more things and more debt in a game of gratification, competition, and distraction. Gossiping, which itself is a separate precept, was also a way of clouding the mind along with television, romance novels, and endless, jealous scheming.
In my family food was an especially acceptable means of distracting the mind from the pain and dissatisfaction of the present. I watched the women, and often the men, in my family transition to obesity as adults regardless of how thin they had been as children. Regardless of any of the constant urging to be "skinny", to diet constantly, and to have stylish clothing that showed off a good figure everyone was encouraged to eat excessively at any gathering. Even if there wasn't encouragement, no one would think it unusual to want to have "just one more" piece of homemade candy even if you were already full beyond words. It was always just fine to want to go out for a sundae, indulge in "consumer therapy" (shopping), or indulge in a whole day of shopping and eating treats because the day had been stressful, upsetting. It was perfectly fine to complain about why the day had been stressful but there was never any direction on how to cope with it beyond eating, shopping, or other forms of immediate pleasure. Without any skills to truly cope with distressing emotions and situations I grew up to suffer greatly from depression, anxiety, and obesity by the time I was in my mid-20s.
After several years of cultivating mindfulness in my approach to food I've overcome the obesity and the health risks that have plagued the women in my family. By rejecting the food culture I was raised with I have created the space within which I can learn how to truly address the depression and anxiety caused by nearly 30 years of untreated PTSD. In smaller ways too I can continue to practice mindfulness; like buying fairly traded, organic chocolate and finding the cost of those luxuries causes me to reflect more deeply as to how I might turn to them as a means of distraction. Am I merely craving the sweetness of chocolate because I’m irritated, frustrated or bored? Am I seeking the clouding of my mind, choosing a momentary pleasure rather than stay with emotions that make me uncomfortable? The fifth precept invites me to reflect more deeply and try to bring light & understanding to places in my life where I am mindlessly seeking distraction.
The Fourth Grave Precept
Manifest Truth. Do not lie.
Not lying is a fundamental part of how we interact with others and ourselves. In general lies bring suffering and lead people to have less ethical behavior in other areas. I believe that it is important to cultivate deep honesty within ourselves and from that strive to be truthful in our interactions with everyone. I feel that the manifestation of truth must come from within ourselves first as we would not have the ability to be truly honest with others if we are starting from a place of delusion within. To manifest the truth we must move beyond merely projecting a caricature of ourselves, a persona we use with others while hiding our real selves. This level of self honesty is difficult because it is in the nature of our culture to not look fearlessly at the self but rather to hide, dissemble, or fabricate.
Although I have always found it to be very important that I be honest with others, I find it very challenging to be fearlessly honest when I look at my past. For decades I’ve minimized, repressed, and suppressed the reality of events in the past so they do not cause me as much pain. I find looking at these things with the eyes of fearless honesty is deeply painful and my mind would rather run to distraction. It has been very difficult to accept that minimizing the events is a way of lying to myself. By lying to myself that events weren't significant I am less compassionate and understanding of myself. I believe that in the past the less compassionate I was with myself, the harder it was for me to be compassionate with others. I find now it is still far easier to extend compassion and understanding to other than myself. I continue to practice with this by honestly reminding myself of the truth of my history, the need to be more self compassionate, and by trying to learn how to truly appreciate how far I've come.
The Third Grave Precept
Honor the body. Do not misuse sexuality.
It is easy to get caught up in the simple, pleasurable responses of the body but as passion cools there is a return to dissatisfaction with the world. Some people spend the majority of their time caught up in the cycle of sexual gratification and unhappiness with life. I’ve seen friends caught in this cycle change to where they see sex as just the means to get favors, material possessions, and other things they believe they need to either feel happier with life, experience more sexual pleasure, or merely because of the way misusing their sexuality makes them believe they have a kind of power. I don’t believe that feeling pleasure and desire is inherently bad, but to get caught up in it, trapped by and clinging to it isn’t healthy. There is great joy that can be shared just by being present to the simple, but profound pleasure of sex. Because of this, I think it shouldn’t merely become a distraction or just another entertainment.
I believe the third precept is vital because particular mindfulness around sex and sexuality is necessary due to the potential to cause grave, lasting harm should they be misused. The deep trust of relationships can be completely broken when dishonesty is tied to sex. When sexual abuse occurs on any level, at any age, the damage done is tremendous. When I read Daido Loori's writing on the precepts from The Heart of Being I especially was affected by his comments related to killing the mind of compassion. To me the potential to destroy or gravely damage the seeds of compassion in a person are very likely part of the consequences when sexual abuse occurs. A person may not suffer physical damage from a sexual abuse, but the compassion within them experiences a kind of death at having their life so intimately violated by another person. All other precepts must be especially observed in those areas where they overlap with sex and sexuality; there is just too great a chance for momentous suffering.
If one has experienced pain and or abuse the fear of being hurt may cause the mind to disconnect from emotions and sensation during sex. It requires fearless, vigilant attention and honesty to see this happening, to work through it requires involving someone else to pain that is more comfortably hidden. When people feel safe enough to be vulnerable with each other while also being profoundly intimate there is a synergistic act of honoring that opens hearts further, heals deep hurts in unexpected ways, and connects us to the greater force of Love in the universe.
The Second Grave Precept
Be giving. Do not steal.
The second precept starts for me with the idea of not taking what is not mine to take. This initial reaction to the second precept arises out of the foundation of "You shall not steal" from the Ten Commandments I was taught as a child. "Do not steal" sounds much the same, therefore, evokes the same internal response. It also immediately recalls memories to mind of punishments that came about from not respecting what another considered to be theirs (“That’s MINE”).
I find that the idea of "mine" unravels with attention; the essential nature of impermanence means nothing ever truly belongs to anyone since either the object or my body will eventually wither away. Although I recognize this, I also find that in order to function in the day-to-day world of a householder I simultaneously need to think of the house I live in as "mine", as allowed to me by the financial institutions that receive "my" money for the mortgage. The clothes I'm wearing, the laptop I write on, the books I read, the career which pays me money, all of these impermanent things are viewed as "mine" in order to denote responsibility for the objects or roles. Ultimately the view of something as “mine” and the accountability that accompanies that view must be based in a respect for the same type of view held by other people. This ensures that I do not steal.
When I expand my thoughts beyond the “Do not steal” part of this precept and move into what is involved with “Be giving” I move beyond the inherent absurdity of “mine”. To be giving means that I have a willingness to share not only my property, but my time, my knowledge, and any other resources I may have to offer. To be truly generous the heart needs to be open to the act of giving and not generate a resentment arising from a belief that others “steal” my energy or resources.
The First Grave Precept
Affirm life. Do not kill .
In 2006 I explored a life vow of observing the Yamas, the "restraints" of living recorded by Patanjali in the Yoga Sutras. When first considering a life vow I only focused on ahimsa, having already turned my own life toward harm reduction and creating space for healing. As I considered further I was drawn to start incorporating all five of the "restraints" into my life. Since making this life vow the first grave precept has become deeply entwined with my daily living.
As I worked with ahimsa, the first precept in the Yamas as well as Zen practice, I found that it was larger than I first thought. At first glance the prohibition against killing or causing intentional harm is what stood out. It also had the most obvious relationships with teaching yoga and in my marriage.
My awareness of physical pain, due to my own chronic pain, fully guides me when I am teaching yoga. I watch my students carefully checking not only for adjustments to alignment and posture, but to see if any of them are straining. Strain can lead to injury of the body, which may be an emotional injury as well. I encourage them to make great effort and feel the "burning effort", but with compassion and awareness of where they are in the present. I request that they not merely endure, suffering through class.
In my marriage the focus is on affirming one another and creating a space where we both feel safe to be our essential selves. I especially do not have a lot of experience being in a calmer, more nurturing environment and just the unfamiliarity causes me upset at times. I try to be mindful of my partner's needs as well as my desire to have my own needs met. When I'm having feelings of irritation I try to discuss them in a way that is not confrontational. I try to stick with difficult things even when I feel overwhelmed, making sure that I do not loose track of the reasons I married my partner or why I value him. I find it very difficult to be learning these skills at this point in my life, but extremely grateful to have any opportunity to learn them at all.
As I have worked further with the first precept my choices grow more deeply informed. A vegetarian diet became a vegan diet when I researched both the life of a dairy cow and the devastating effects of the industrialized approach to raising animals for food. The best course of action for me is to try and get entirely away from animals for food. Life is also affirmed when I choose fairly traded teas, coffees, bananas, and chocolate. I became aware not only of the human rights and environmental abuses that abound in these trade of these items, but of the true luxury of my having them here in Oregon. I became committed to nourishing my body, and therefore my journey, from the observation of this precept as I believe in order to practice at all I must begin with how the body that supports that practice is sustained.
I am mindful to bring the observation of this precept to my everyday work. When I am more mindful of this precept it affects how I interact with people. I try to check in with a quickly written e-mail to make sure my words won't bring harm. Now I try to take time before responding to something where I felt my anger or irritation arise, not reacting as instantly as I used to. This is more of a challenge as it is part of affirming life, but is counter to how I've done things in the past at work where I am usually focused on getting results. I've come to recognize that there are less harmful ways of achieving those results than letting people know I am irritated with their performance. I see this as a necessary part of my practice.