Cherry Blossoms & Avoidance
Cherry Shrubs - Wilsonville, Oregon - April 23, 2012
Busy day and a therapy appointment in which I avoided talking deeply about what's been bugging me. Some days are like that.
The tomatoes we planted on Sunday are looking happy under their cloche. We hope to have fresh tomatoes by June!
Near the door I most often use to the building my office is in are some cherry shrubs of some sort. Delicate, pale blossoms, but instead of a tree they are pruned, shaped into spare, but tallish shrubs. They just started to bloom within the past couple of weeks. Once they're done they will have red leaves through until autumn.
Delicate blossoms.
Pale pink against the blue sky.
Fleeting spring treasures.
Enticing Bees
Bees & Purple Flowers - Parkdale, Oregon - October 2010
When we pay attention there's quite a lot to worry about. I worry about bees. Colony collapse disorder is something we should be more worried about. We depend upon bees in ways most people don't appreciate.
As much as we think about veggies to plant in our garden, we spend some time thinking about flowers to entice pollinators, like bees to visit our yard. Besides the general loveliness of the flowers we've been adding, they bring bees. It makes me very happy to see the bees buzzing around, gathering pollen. The big, fuzzy bumble bees particularly make me smile.
Watching the bee fly
I am full of gratitude:
Her work becomes food.
Winter Haiku. Spring Day.
Earth day today and Portland was blessed with puffy white clouds against a blue sky, shining sun, and weather warm enough for a t-shirt. Our new fence was struck today, with well-placed posts setting up. A bed is cleared and ready to plant as well. Tomorrow may find us on a picnic or at a nursery buying veggie starts!
Today we had Indian food, shopped at the Japanese market, and I plotted art projects today and made a Japanese inspired, spring dinner with grilled tofu, asparagus, snow peas, a sushi roll and rice balls. It really was too nice a day to beat myself up over not having gotten more useful things done.
Here's a winter haiku for a spring day:
White clouds. Blue water.
Winter sun brings welcome warmth
To the grey season.
Water Clouds - Powell Butte, Portland, Oregon - January 2011
Aloft
Aloft - Westminster, Colorado, May 2011
Gorgeous burst of red.
A quick movement, nearly missed.
Butterfly aloft.
Siddhartha Dreams of the Way
Siddhartha Dreams of the Way - Portland, Oregon - October 2011
Dreaming of The Way
Siddhartha settles into
This present moment.
April in Portland
There reaches a point in Portland where the days really start to get longer and a little warmer. CK's Mom would still say it is cold here, but in Portland we're finally happy to put on light jackets, squint at the UV, and delight in the dryness of our stroll through the park.
This evening I got home and took Dora up to Peninsula Park for a quick walk. It made me late for a meeting, but it was so worth it. She rolled in the grass in doggy delight until a happy string of drool was plastered across her snout.
Most people in Portland are funny, smart, sweet and kind. Yes, there's a lot of weirdness, but I think Portlandia does us a disservice to some degree. And when the sun begins to shine and flowers pop out of the grass, people smile with such utter joy that I'm filled with such gratitude for my home.
Flowers peek from grass,
Lift up faces toward the sun.
Petals seeking warmth.
Tiny Flowers - Peninsula Park, Portland, Oregon - April 18, 2012
Spring Life
Goslings - Wilsonville, Oregon - April 17, 2012
I have the distinct pleasure of working at a campus that's a dedicated bird refuge. Small ponds and running water dot the campus and we see a fantastic variety of avian life. CK even gave me a bird book as a Christmas gift and I keep it on my desk in my office.
Spring brings flowers, rain, and both Canada and Cackling Geese. The Cackling look the same as the Canada geese, only smaller, and the flock largely together. We get to see them pairing off and today I spied eggs alongside one of the ponds near my building. I also spotted a first group of fuzzy goslings, which I stopped to admire despite the hissing parents.
Angry parent goose,
Hissing in disapproval
As I praise goslings.
Spring’s Arrival
One Continuous Peel - Portland, Oregon - November 2011
At last Spring's arrived
Bringing flowers and sunshine
To brighten the gray.
Safe Choices
Today CK and I attempted a long, hard drive home from Sacramento. This is a drive we've done in one day before, but we'd stayed up late last night and we were enjoying the company of her Mom and step-dad this morning, which meant we got a late start. CK's stomach was really bothering her, probably a delay from the weekly antibiotics she's been taking for her suppressed immune system stuff.
We'd driven her "new" car down. While I had learned to drive it, a manual transmission, with relative ease, it wasn't something I felt confident in yet. We started to get rain and the car handles far, far differently in the mountain curves than my trusty Suburu, so CK resumed driving.
Then we passed the remainder of a really very bad accident, a smashed car resting on the roof, on a winding, mountain road.
We reached out to friends to take care of our cats tonight, found a good hotel room where Dora is welcome, and stopped for the night. I've sent a message on to work. We'll get up in the morning, reasonably early, but well rested, drive home and work from home tomorrow.
I was so profoundly relieved when we made this decision, that we have this tremendous luxury of being able to make this safe choice, that I realized that I wasn't beating myself up too much. The relief and gratitude are just so big that the thoughts that I should have practiced more with the new car or planned better are pretty quiet.
Really, I'm just grateful to be in a warm, safe, nice place with my wife and our dog. I know our kitties have been well looked after. I even got to sit in the hot tub we didn't know we'd have access to.
Sunset - Grants Pass, Oregon - April 13, 2012
Gratitude Wins
Above any
Nagging
Voice that
Says I
Should have
Done or said
Anything
Different or
Better.
There is
The awesome
Luxury of choosing
Caring for the self
Which
Offers a relief
That makes me
Giddy with gratitude.
Self Identify
On Saturday we saw a performance of The Vagina Monologues that featured CK's Mom performing one of the pieces. It was fantastic, moving, and I feel so privileged to have been there.
At the end the directors asked everyone in attendance to stand if they were the survivor of sexual abuse or domestic violence. It is hard for me at times like this. I feel a little like a traitor because I don't stand. I feel ashamed.... and then I feel ashamed of my shame.
Ugly. It too is a Practice. Someday it won't be so terrifying to stand or someday I'll just be alright with the fact that it terrifies me to self identify as a survivor of abuse, particularly a survivor of sexual abuse.
Powerful Art - Sacramento, California - April 14, 2012
Metta Prayer for All Survivors
May I be
Freed from
The misery
Of shame.
May I
Be released
From the thought
That somehow
It was my fault.
May I
Rest in the
Truth that I
Didn't
Do anything
Wrong.
May all
Survivors
Be free from
Anxiety and fear.
May we all
Be at ease.
May we all
Be happy.