Holes in Stone
Holes in Stone - Lincoln City - September 2011
Stone studded with holes.
Reminder that even rock
Is subject to change.
Eddies in the Dust of Rage
Broken Piano Foot - Our Basement, Portland, Oregon - June 2010
Today was another page in the Troubles of Mom, sadly. Still don't want to say much in such a public forum, but the end result is that I'm feeling angry and sad tonight. So angry that the poetry I come up with is something like this:
Anger.
Angry.
Angrier.
Rage.
sigh
I'm reminding of a song from Bruce Cockburn, "Pacing the Cage", which has the amazing lyrical image of "eddies in the dust of rage". The difficult waiting game, waiting out the rage, reminds me a lot of this song tonight.
And then on my commute home there was an enormous rainbow, clearly seen in a glorious arc across a gray, spring sky.
It is hard practice sitting between the simple joy of rainbows and unethical people hurting my Mom. Practicing with my own anger very certainly feels like all the training wheels are off.
And yet, there is this nagging commitment to poetry...
Waiting with Anger
Difficult
Is the
Practice
of patience.
Distilling
Anger,
Impatience,
Irritation,
Into the
Stillness
Of the
Heron fishing.
There's a video on YouTube of Bruce Cockburn performing "Pacing the Cage", check it out!
Season of Loss
Paper Memorial "Stupa" - Westminster, Colorado - May 2011
Season of Loss
In my dreams
Last night
You were there.
Still smiling,
That sparkle
Was as as bright
As I remembered.
Your laughter
A song.
When I awoke
Another spring
Was blooming
Awake outside,
Vibrant and alive.
Another season
Without you.
I was dreamed of my friend Jen last night, who left us just over a year ago.
Baby Veggies
Baby Brassicas - Portland, Oregon - May 2011
Reaching to the sun.
Young vegetables growing
Into nourishment.
Apple Blossoms
Apple Blossoms, Old Town, Portland, April 2012
Clusters of petals
Hang from thin stems, fluttering.
Spring's dancing clouds.
Clocks
Clock Tower, UC Berkley, May 2010
My Father's
Clock sits
On the table.
Still and
Silent.
A reminder
Of both
Time
And
Loss.
Waiting to
Become useful
Again.
Morning Dove
Denver international Airport, May 2011
Morning dove calling.
For a moment I am caught,
Standing, listening.
Water Dreams
Lincoln City, Oregon, September 2011
Dreaming of water.
Waves moving, lapping, smoothing.
Calming fluctuations.
Thinking of CK in Early April
Eggplant from October 2011, NOT early April in Portland!
I miss her when she goes.
I cultivate small
Rituals of comfort--
Spicy food.
Fennel and eggplant.
British television.
Loud music by
Bands she just
Tolerates for
The love of me.
It gets easier,
This practice
Of absence.
But never easy.
I'm merely
Whiling away
These moments
Of longing for
Her safe return.
White Cloud Blossoms
CK is in Arizona until Wednesday evening attending a conference. I decided last week I'd work from home today so I could take the car in for an oil change and check up. After the rain we'd had today was warm, bright and sunny. It was really nice to be home with all our companions, enjoying the sun coming in through the windows while I worked.
Being at home today also gave me time to stop by the bank and get a new debit card since mine had expired Saturday. That stop at our credit union let me take a moment to enjoy all the flowering apple trees in the courtyard, with one tree still rather bare and not yet flowering.
This evening a friend came by and had dinner with me. I made spicier grilled tofu than I normally would and we compared the merits of his Tabasco vs. a small bottle of hot sauce that had been given to us during the Road Food Festival in the French Quarter while we were on vacation. Having a friend stop by for excellent conversation really helps combat the blues I feel when CK's on a trip -- seems obvious, need to try that more often!
The sunshine, the flowering trees and the pleasant company yield forth another haiku for my poetry month!
Like a warm promise:
Day of sunlight after rain.
Dazzling brightness.
White Cloud-Blossoms, Portland, April 2, 2012