Like Words Together Reflections from the deep end of Practice.


Acceptance & Inequality

It was so nice to be back with CK this weekend, just enjoying each other's company. We went to see Milk, which was very good. Although I already knew the outcome of the movie the telling of the story was riveting. I felt tears in my eyes during the last minutes of the movie.

Being reminded of the past helps. There is more acceptance now for same-sex relationships. I am very grateful to be living in Portland where that acceptance is even more widespread.

Afterward CK & I walked around downtown for a little while -- enjoying the lights in the tree at Pioneer Courthouse Square, having a coffee at Powell's and picking up a few things at Whole Foods to round out our belated Thanksgiving Dinner. The feelings of gratefulness and frustration at how same-sex relationships continue to be discriminated against stayed with me while we were at Powell's. We had been looking at books about parenting and observing all the notes and special cases about trying to secure the rights of the non-birth parent made my head ache a little. Absolutely worth the effort, without question, but it acutely highlights the unfairness of marriage inequality.

We had fun in the kitchen making mashed potatoes (note -- NOT in the Kitchen Aid food processor next time, the consistency was rather pasty although it was still very tasty) and heating up the leftover pumpkin I'd made on Thanksgiving day. The next day I taught my class and we spent the day talking, being close, and cooking more. Today she went with me to a doctor's appointment, making time to be with me when I was anxious.

How utterly ordinary and simple. I am biased; being that I'm part of a lesbian relationship of course I think same-sex marriage is fair. However, I know I'd think this way where I in a heterosexual relationship. There is nothing usual for partners in a loving relationship to want to pursue commitment, publicly.

CK and I love and live our lives together in such perfectly usual ways. We go to the movies, stroll around holding hands, we shop for groceries, and occasionally kiss each other lightly when we're stopped at a street light. We make meals together, answer emails, love our pets, and pay taxes. There are many other ways in which we are each extraordinary, but our relationship is as simple and ordinary as any other couple. That we should somehow not think we are not worthy of marriage because we are "different" seems beyond absurd. Or at least it would be absurd if it didn't hurt so much.

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