Like Words Together Reflections from the deep end of Practice.

More Mindfulness, Less Vigilance

A student and friend said something in this morning's yoga class that is so perfect! I felt grateful to receive this teaching from my student and at the same time proud that my own teaching to her comes through this way!

We were talking about the anxiety of everyday living now with COVID and the election looming in 3 weeks. I suggested there was a yoga tool, starting with an "m", that helps when I'm anxious.

Mindfulness was quickly hit upon. This is when my student talked about the energy of vigilance, how we have to be vigilant all the time now and it's exhausting. She went on to say that mindfulness is less exhausting, energetically speaking, and she was going to strive to be less vigilant and work on staying mindful instead.

What a gift! It certainly gave me an extra boost of energy to go to therapy today. CK's homemade chai with freshly foamed milk also was a good treat to have with me.

I shared the incidents while shopping. We talked through why it's coming up; it's the next memory to get integrated, times are really anxiety inducing right now, the pressure of my glasses and the mask loops on the ears, while slight and have been fine until now, might be just overloading my ability to ignore it. We talked through how to manage it; #1 don't assume it will happen every time as that will make it more likely to happen, go to stores with a clear plan in and out, stick with the plan, try other styles of masks, considering having my glasses adjusted (my optometry place is awesome and they know I have a trauma history so needing an adjustment because my glasses are triggering, they'll be down with fixing!).

I'm also continuing to meet that 6-nearly-7-year-old energy with assurances that I'm paying attention and I'm coming for her.

I made more progress integrating the memory from age 5. I'm able to witness it now, rather than be caught in it. I also gained some insight into how resilient I was, still am, but I'm amazed that the tools I'd figured out by age 5 to keep myself safe.