Social Distancing
Today I told the students who came out to my two Friday classes that I wanted them to stay home, to restrict contact, and to avoid the community center. It broke my heart a little.
A few hours later Portland Parks & Rec announced that all community centers were closed through March 31st. At least.
I’m worried about the houseless citizens who use the center to shelter and shower.
I depend on teaching to keep my energy balanced!
I practiced bowing gassho to people today.
I ran the last errands. We’re staying low, hunkering down except for essentials like prescriptions.
Let's all learn how to better connect without getting closer than 3-6 feet from one another. I told students to use this time to learn how to use tech for connecting. I'm going to bed making good on my talk of practice videos and mighty even try to live stream.
What strange days.
Nice Day for the Pandemic
School district’s closing up for 2+ weeks. Just told the community center director that I actively discouraging my students from coming tomorrow. I told them I’m taking at least a 2-week hiatus from teaching their, starting Monday.
90-95% of my students are over age 60. Some of the younger folks have chronic illnesses. I’m a fifty year old with lifelong asthma! My wife’s lungs are worse!
I’m going to get more videos up and might try to livestream content to students.
Strange times.
Pandemic
No longer a thing of history books. We’re living in terrifying times and the load on my nervous system feels pretty heavy today.
I’m wondering justhow long I’ll keep teaching at the community center. On one hand, I support people getting out to move and be in community. These things usually support the immune system. My class numbers are dropping daily.
Oregon’s Governor just announced a 4-week ban on gatherings over 250 people. So much for soccer season kicking off. If the schools close the community centers will too.
We’re trying to stay present and not drop into anxiety. I’m limiting news even more than I already have been. We’re trying to get enough rest.
Marking Art Gratitude
Getting my studio space useable again has meant I can create again. At an artist's meet-up I help organize someone presented a project of a collaged light plate switch cover. Since I'd got my desk available, and have continued to improve the space, I was able to finish the project I began the very next day and install it in our practice room.
While I've not been writing as much, I've been creating pages in an artist's journal I began at the beginning of the year. My depression hits hard around the holidays, with the death anniversaries of all my parents falling within a few weeks of each other. My Mother's death anniversary is the day after Thanksgiving this year and this is the first year I'm coming into them without my studies to distract me. Having the ability to go make something artistic is really a helpful tool for me, especially when my energy feels too low to write.
Having weekly art therapy appointments this past month has helped me see how having this outlet is a big benefit to my healing. Art, as my friend SJ likes to say, helps us express what words cannot. Despite my skill as a writer, there are times when words fail me and the more I learn to turn to creating art during those times, the better I'll be.
Studio Gratitude
I'm grateful for having space for making art. I have a big desk with decent lighting. My desk sits near a sink for clean up and cabinets for storing canvases, old magazines, boxes, and other media I use in my art. It hasn't been really usable space for a while, but the past week I've started to really make it a workspace again.
While I was doing my training and internship in Integrated Movement Therapy I really stepped out of making art. I wasn't doing much at all, having stopped creating when we were dealing with the last years of my Mother's life. Time to create art seems to be the first thing I cut as being a waste of time, not really "practice".
I know this isn't really true, the research demonstrates that making and creating is what helps make us feel whole. Still, it is the activity that seems to be least important. I'm trying to change that. Art not only feeds my creative side, but it is a way to express the things that are too difficult, too elusive to put into words.
Seeing an art therapist keeps things really in mind and is giving me some motivation. I do think I want to create a body of work to show. As part of my clean up and reorganizing I've made it so I can see finished works from my desk, to help keep me inspired and focused.
Sunset Walks Gratitude
Today we didn't get a chance to walk the dogs during the afternoon, we ended up going as the sun was setting. Being out later, and on Halloween, meant we saw pumpkins lit up and the first groups of kids out trick-or-treating. The air was crisp, the leaves underfoot crunching. Several times our younger dog, the bulldog, went running into piles of leaves just for the fun of crunching through the leaves.
I love our walks together. Seeing the way the neighborhood changes and being out moving has become an important part of our week. We don't always get to walk together, sometimes I just take the dogs for a brisk walk, quickly around the smallest loop that our house is on. Today I had thought we might do that when my wife decided she'd join me. I just loved spending that time together, enjoying an especially vivid sunset.
Flexible Schedule Gratitude
Right now I have my schedule set up so that I don't have to rush on Monday or Friday mornings. I also only work 3 evenings a week now, teaching at the same place on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evening. I gave up a class that was doing fairly well on a Tuesday night because I was so tired all the time. Having the ability to have a slow start some mornings, not be out in the thick of traffic trying to get somewhere, really helps me a lot.
I am teaching 12 classes a week these days, usually seeing one client as well. I've added back in appointments with a new therapist and that's gone well so far. I feel like I'm getting to a good balance of teaching, seeing clients, caring for my own health, and household stuff like errands, grocery shopping, etc. Ideally I'd like to be where I'm seeing a client one day each week, I could add that many in and not feel too overwhelmed.
Having a schedule that's relatively flexible means that I have opportunity to do things like write, do business planning tasks, and rest if I need to. As my training wrapped up, I have found myself having more energy to tackle more things.
Learning from Others Gratitude
Today I've managed to finalize a draft of an article I've been working on, publish a post to my business site, do some social media prep for posts this week, create a card of classes in town this week, and prep a new blog post for my business site for later this week. No wonder I'm feeling tired out.
I began this flurry of computer-related productivity this morning, reading a post from a friend online. A response she received hinted at how to fix the communication between two social media applications, enabling easier cross-posting. I started digging into this, fixing something I've been meaning to figure out. The ensuing conversation on this post gave me some other great resources for using media via web pages.
I just love this kind of sharing of information. The ability to learn things from people, via random connections in online conversations, is one of the things I love about the Internet.
I love to learn stuff, on my own for certain, but particularly getting to learn from someone else is particularly great. I am filled with gratitude for the connection and for the knowledge. I love it when people share their passions with me, not only do I learn more about them, but I often learn about things I might never experience.
Cats Gratitude
Like dogs, I'm sure I will write more then one gratitude about cats. Today is the first of those days. While more complicated than dogs, there is so much to love about our cats. They're playful, curious, loving, and infuriating in pretty much equal parts. Cats were around growing up too, my Mother seemed to view them as the right pet to have, requiring minimal help from herself. There were a lot of times when it felt like our cat was my only source of comfort in my family.
Today I really enjoyed spending time sitting on the sofa with our tuxedo kitty. Of the two cats we have, he's most bonded to me. He's anxious, particularly about food, and really never lets me sleep in. He's attacking the bedroom door before 7am most mornings, anxious he won't get a meal and needing comfort. At night he often sits on my cushion next to me while I meditate, occasionally even bugging me to do my bedtime sit if I'm still on my laptop late.
In the words of poet Charles Bukowski:
My Cats
I know. I know.
they are limited, have different
needs and
concerns.
but I watch and learn from them.
I like the little they know,
which is so
much.
they complain but never
worry,
they walk with a surprising dignity.
they sleep with a direct simplicity that
humans just can't
understand.
their eyes are more
beautiful than our eyes.
and they can sleep 20 hours
a day
without
hesitation or
remorse.
when I am feeling
low
all I have to do is
watch my cats
and my
courage
returns.
I study these
creatures.
they are my
teachers.
Autumn Sunshine Gratitude
Really trying to get into the practice of writing a gratitude without judgement. I wrote my one about Whimsy recently and felt so cranky and judgmental about it! There will be days where it feels like I'm reaching and there will be days I repeat the same gratitude. The practice and reflection is the whole meaning for doing it.
I was about to tell myself I wasn't allowed to write another gratitude for October, having already done that. Silly how rules get in the way of practice, the way the busy mind makes up obstacles instead of just writing.
Today I've been most grateful for the brilliant sun against a blue sky. Occasional white, streaky clouds for added drama here and there. This brilliant combination, lighting up all the leaves turning brilliant as the days grow shorter. Everywhere I looked today trees seemed to be glowing with brilliance, this last burst of color as they die.
Despite not really wanting to go for a walk today, having had an on-and-off again headache on top of poor sleep, I'm grateful I went out. Spending even 20 minutes walking briskly does the dogs good and being out amidst the brilliant sun and bright trees did me good as well.