Like Words Together Reflections from the deep end of Practice.


Ghosts of Storms Part

We didn't lose power for long, but I've felt so turned about by it!

I have hazy memories of terrible winter storms during my childhood. Huddling under blankets, sleeping bags, and layers. Boiling water in pans to wash up dishes, teeth, and bodies. My Grandmother having some type of oil heater that was (supposedly) safe indoors to warm her manufactured home. Using the flat top to heat canned soup and boil water.

The memory of needing to heat water to do anything is so deep rooted that I always start to do this each time we've lost power here at the house. CK noted it over the weekend, that she reminds me we have hot water every time, usually after I've boiled water to do dishes. I don't even think to turn on the hot water, I just "know it's not there".

I was saying to CK that while I don't have specific trauma memories around storms, I also find it easy to assume that it was very stressful being trapped without heat, power, hot water, or easy ways to make food with a parent who time and time again took little to no responsibility and was unable to self-soothe. It was probably confusing, frightening, and physically uncomfortable.

That's enough. I don't need to hunt for terrible memories. If there's something that needs attention, that story will come up. I'm slowly learning to trust the process.

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