Obie Meds
It's going better, well he hasn't drawn any more blood. He bit me again tonight, left a bruise through my hoody.
The bite doesn't look good. CK is worried so we took a picture with a ruler to compare how it looks tomorrow. She asked me to message our doctor to ask how urgently I need a tetanus shot, or antibiotics if it isn't improving. I'm icing it before I sleep.
I got some CBD oil today and gave him a little with dinner. He's mostly chill, aside from biting me, didn't want 2nd dinner. It worries me we he's not food motivated. I'm worried I gave him too much.
I'm so grateful to neighborhood stores that do a good job with mask policies.
Today I tried out the Foodsaver! I'm stocking up the freezer with meat for CK. I'm going to inventory the dry goods, fill in the gaps between now and the election.
Obie vs. Pills
Obie got his first pill Thursday night, the over that's to help him stop vomiting. It was a pretty easy experience.
This morning I attempted the first steroid dose this morning. They are bitter and it didn't go smoothly. I got it in him, booty he also scratched me and drew blood in 6-7 places!
Bless AF who saw my tweets and offered up interim gel capsules to put bitter pills into and a pill popper tool. I choose to combine both his second doses of steroid and stomach pills into one capsule. Rather than give him 3 pulls daily.
I also wrapped him up. He still managed to bite me, no short sleeves for this job, but I got the pill into him more quickly.
We'll see how he does with the whole procedure and if the medication helps. The stomach one we're hopeful about, her hasn't thrown up in a few days.
Surprises
An unexpected package arrived for me today containing a gift arranged for me by my friend and teacher. Given how low with anger and grief I've felt this week, this was such a ray of light.
I was reminded of the studies on gratitude and how surprises, like this today, are more nourishing, as it were. It's good for us to really reflect on them, as many details as we can recall about the event brought into the memory.
This weekend I'm going to sit with CK and makea list of Things That Need Doing Before the Election. I've already started thinking about some food things, what to restock from early spring.
I'm also just moving forward with teaching. I'm making more space for people to talk about how they're doing, it's so isolating and, as one student put it, "There's no ended in sight!"
So Much Grief
My memory of feeling worthless, not valued enough to be kept safe, is different in that it doesn’t directly involve my Mother. Instead it involves witnessing the caregiver I was left with abusing her children. I was accustomed to physical abuse within my family and was terrified this woman would come after n me next.
Something about this particular memory awakens profound grief. Combined with all the grief I feel about COVID, businesses I love closing, Black Lives Protestors being continually brutalized by police, the corrupt GOP, and our cat having cancer.
It leaves me feeling so tender, with tears right at the surface. This is a state I find painfully vulnerable, I do not have a friendly relationship with tears, still. It says something that I’m able to say that rather than “I hate crying”!
I said to students Tuesday that grief is so big at times, but e we keep working with it until it’s like a small, precious stone we set on the altar. We ultimately each create our internal Room of Grief where each precious stone lives.
I like this, I want to write more about it, but this beginning bit, when it’s all so much at once and so big, how to hold space for that? That’s the part I want to be better at.
September Sad
Obie most likely has lymphoma. He doesn't have many options and diagnostics won't reveal some miracle so we're going the palliative care route.
Hopefully we can get him to stop throwing up and gain some weight. He threw up again tonight. Nothing seems to trigger it, her just can't always keep his food down.
Her might respond well and have another year, he might only a few weeks.
2020 is the year that keeps on sucking.