Rat, No Rat
The traps weren't sprung this morning. Bertie didn't go on alert all day.
We set one out in the pantry section of the garage, a place we've caught one before, and reset out the basement one.
Watching Ursa with toys we can tell he'd kill birds, bugs, amphibians, reptiles, and small mammals. He's far too tiny right now so we're keeping him away.
Not Yet Hopeful
Thank goodness for goofy dogs, tiny kitten, and continued stability for Cancer Kitty.
I'm watching Democratic celebration talk with weariness. I'm not yet feeling hopeful about this country much less celebrating it.
I fought hard to keep from falling into anger again today, but it felt like a huge effort top stay merely blue.
Perfect Kitten
He's demanding, it's surprising house loud a creature that's 2 pounds, 9 ounces, makes! He wants out of the bathroom and into the yoga room with one of us. CK's den is fine too, he spent much of the afternoon in there with her.
Mostly he wants to be held. Bursts of kitten exuberance, old shoelaces are the best, but mostly snuggles. Right now he's trying to eat my hoodie tie.
He loves you get up on our shoulders!
We've introduced him to the dogs. Dora became Momma Dog, she had a litter years ago, and groomed him. He was unafraid of her and was playing!
Bertie will take more work. He's so over excited that he jumps up still.
CK posted online that he's perfect. I'm really glad since I feel like I keep being there one with unplanned creatures that fall in love with me and I them!
He's such a good antidote to the incoming winter blues alongside another COVID shutdown.
Kitten Day
Today I finally got to bring home the tiny kitten our friend fostered and I fell for. When CK meet him he wasn't quite the same, but today he put his paw on her forehead as she leaned over to look at him and now she's as smitten as I was.
He's loudly crying right now because I spent a little time with him while brushing my teeth. It's good first night all alone and my heart breaks a little, but we're being strong and are going to try and get him to have a bedtime routine.
Given the surging COVID totals and mayhem being caused by the GOP, T* still hasn't conceded, a day with a new kitten is really welcome.
Disbelief
We both just dragged all day. Obie woke me up at 2:20 for food. I'll order some things tomorrow, possibly morsels to try and speed up the middle of the night feeding.
Why I couldn't go to bed sooner; brain spin preventing me from taking a hot shower. I wanted so many things done for morning.
We're also in this state of disbelief that Biden/Harris won. Not able to fully take it in, so we're just feeling the tremendous load our stress response systems have been under! All weekend food hasn't been very appealing.
T* hasn't conceded. The lawsuits start tomorrow.
A highlight of the day was putting our flagpole mount to use and hanging the Progress Pride Flag.
The Waiting
We still don't know. It's looking more and more like it will be Biden/Harris, but it isn't done.
There are T* supporters with guns at election offices demanding that they be allowed to count ballots (Arizona) or that counting be stopped (Michigan). Like the supporters running the Biden/Harris bus off the road in Texas last week, these are the newest incarnation of the Nazi Brownshirts who intimidated people to push their political agenda.
I have felt exhausted today. As usual, teaching at 10am online helped anchor me into the day. I enjoyed chatting with a favorite student afterward, one of those people who's become a friend as well, and that helped me feel a little less hopeless.
I ended up napping after lunch for a little while with Obie. He's been wanting to lay on the bed so I've been turning on the electric blanket to warm up his bones. He reached out his paws and chirped at me, which is pretty impossible to resist. Having got to bed close to 2am, a nap with Obie and Bertie was a good choice.
I felt really unmotivated by food, aside from wanting to turn several ripe apples and pears into a crisp. CK suggested that we have takeout, we picked pizza which I really enjoyed, despite feeling unmotivated. I kept searching for recipes and ended up just making it up; I needed more salt! I also just realized I forgot the cinnamon!
What's weighing on me is how we're just barely holding back fascism. Some small part of me hoped for an outright repudiation, instead T* supporters doubled-down, recruiting more hateful people. Voter suppression has also been so successful, redistricting and gutting the Voting Rights Act continues to disenfranchise people.
There are millions of Americans who are so opposed to everyone sharing a piece of the pie, where everyone gets a smaller piece but everyone gets pie, that they would prefer to just burn down all the pie shops rather than allow the "others" to have some pie.
I see rounds of social media posts about educating "T* voting friend, now's the time!", and I'm furious. This is not about education, we cannot educate people who are willfully ignorant, truth denying, and cruelty seeking!
Also, quit putting work on those of use who are already exhausted and afraid of losing rights we've only been celebrating a few years!
How do we engage with people who don't care if they get hurt so long as they get to see the "other" hurting? How do we just shut it down? How do we say to them, "We don't really care about how you feel about it, this is what is happening."
Donuts & Kittens
I got to visit a couple of friends today, safely outside of course. I also got to see tiny Ursa Minor who is working his way towards 2 pounds. There were also delicious donuts.
I found out another friend is leaving the state in the next few weeks. I was extra grateful to have suggested the donut date today. It was a sunny, beautiful Autumn day. Perfect to be outside and catch up with a friend.
I'm going to miss being able to do this when the rains start. I'll really have to bundle up on clear days and find reasons to see people outside.
Everyone is in a limbo state of anxiety.
There's all the things I want to do next week, including (hopefully) getting to bring Ursa home and taking a run of toxic materials to the transfer station.
Then there's all the things I'm trying to get done before November 3rd in the event there's civil unrest and general strikes.
It made the donuts extra delicious and I'm feeling especially grateful to have our home.
Neighborly
I finally took the neighbors up on their offer of a glass of wine and conversation outside. Masks were worn, aside from sips. It was nice and I'm glad we connected more. I made sure they knew we were both around in the event of an emergency, especially now.
I didn't make it under the weighted blanket, but I'm doing ok.
It's very cold, getting our first frost tonight. CK and I got the hoses put on the shed and hurriedly picked anything in the garden worth picking. I've got a stack of greenish tomatoes in the kitchen window, I'm hoping they'll ripen.
Basic Unemployment Benefits
I got home from physical therapy to find a letter from the State Employment Department letting me know if exhausted the basic State benefits. It has been months since I've worked, but still, the reality hits.
I'll look at the other benefits being offered. I feel even more urgency to finish the budget combined with dread at determining how much I need each month to pay for needs, therapy & floats, and some pleasures, art supply blind boxes mostly.
My physical therapist found that my lower back was likely the cause of hip pain that was causing me pain lying on my side! She also worked more on my jaw; we speculated that all the ringing in my ears and the infection might have kicked off the increased pain, leading to increased sensitivity, triggering somatic flashbacks. It's complicated, the body remembers what the brain could not process.
Democratic Process
Dropped our ballots off at the library today. In the book return, which feels pretty weird, but it is clearly marked as a real drop-off spot. Waiting on a text to see that it's arrived to be counted.
Picked up another round of food for the freezer. We're certainly set if we're snowed in or civil war begins.
I'm only half kidding. Not even half. I'm dreading election day and the days in between it and the inauguration, and that's if Biden wins. If Trump wins, I believe my reducing stuff will kick into high gear so we're ready to leave when we get any kind of go-ahead.
Managed to kick the footstool and bruise a toe and break a nail on another. Not my best moment; I'd rushed away from putting slippers on and was walking around in my stocking feet.