Coup Hangover
A student told me how grateful she was that I taught today. Others shared her sentiment, saying that my class brings some balance and normalcy during these riotous, pandemic days.
It feels so good to know that I'm helping people, but it's also fatiguing to create this for people.
It's estimated that 4000 people died from COVID today.
Trump is still in office despite having provoked a coup attempt.
I lightly bumped my left hip at the market, but I hit a tender point! My body reacted with intense pain that's still lingering, several hours and ibuprofen later. Thankfully I have PT tomorrow, so that tender point will get attention.
I picked up fresh rose water while at the market so I'll be experimenting with my coup cocktail again soon.
Sedition
At the end of teaching chair yoga today I commented that we all might leave to see good news from the Georgia Senate runnoff election.
After lunch we planned to knock out a bunch of work on our back taxes.
Then the seditious riot began at the U.S. Capitol building.
We turned on a news channel, keeping it mostly muted worry captioning to reduce the load.
It's an utter fiasco.
Oh, and over 3,500 died from COVID in one day.
Biden was confirmed about 20 minutes ago.
Now we prepare for inauguration chaos.
What Ifs
At therapy today I had a round of "what ifs".
What if I hadn't been born to a family with intergenerational trauma going back who knows how far?
What if anyone in my family took my side.
What if support within my family wasn't always transactional, if it was offered at all.
I noted, and my therapist agreed, that these part of my grieving. She reminded me that having a supportive family doesn't yield a positive results. Well-off people from loving families end up living on the street, alone.
They came up after considering how my Mother would say to me when I was an adult how hard she tried to be a good parent, that she did the best she could. As I process new trauma I'm once again angered at this, that this was the best she could do.
My therapist said that, sadly, this was true. She really couldn't have done better than what I got. It brings up the grief for a childhood that I never got.
I started the year by making the best gluten free cornbread ever! Bubbles!!! I'm making it again this week to try and replicate, then document!
Back in Class
I started teaching online today. 13 students came and they're stayed after for kirtan! It felt pretty good to be back at it.
I considered taking another week off since CK is still off, but I think I made the right choice to start. We still have the afternoon to connect, aside from tomorrow which is a therapy day.
We're both continuing to make progress on various house projects. I feel hopeful that tomorrow's session won't be too destabilizing. I haven't felt as much from Age 6 Sherri the past 2 weeks; there's been a lot happening and she's felt cared for.
New Year Nesting
I cleaned up cobwebs and sentient dust brings from the office downstairs. Then I vacuumed. I organized the storage area in a way that will enable us to have origami paper easy to get to. I also folded towels and put fresh linens on the bed!
A gift I ordered for CK for Christmas, a stunning light, arrived with a small chip. The expense was such, and it was a gift, that I told the company about it. Today a another lamp set arrived, no need to send back the slightly damaged one!!!
We'd considered a second for my side of the bed because CK set her gift up her side, loving the way it provided indirect, low light, and is a small sculpture. Now we have two!
This also meant a pair of small lamps, over if which I'd used in the bedroom, became altar lights. I love how it looks at the light it gives me while meditating is great!
I also got a reply to a difficult letter I sent last month; a company changed their bag-check policy after I had a terrible experience being told I had to check my wallet because wearing it on my body, as opposed to in a pocket, made it a "purse"
That feels HUGE!!
I'm sure I'll ache a lot when I wake up, but I feel good about what over accomplished!
2021
So it goes. A new year is here but existence is still fraught. Time feels even more like this construct these days.
With that in mind, some hopes for the New Year.
I'm hopeful vaccines will become available to us. I am hopeful I will get access more quickly than CK since I'm a hospice volunteer, this is good since I have more exposure.
I'm hopeful we'll be able to have routine health appointments next year, things like having our teeth cleaned.
I'm hopeful that CK and I will continue to work together to support each other.
I'm hopeful that I will integrate several more terrible years of childhood trauma, giving me more balance and presence.
I am hopeful that we'll survive without Unemployment Insurance payments, even if it scares me.
I'm hopeful we'll really make a budget.
I am hopeful that we'll get rid of a lot of stuff and get better about having a cleaner, more organized home environment.
I am hopeful that we'll get the taxes caught up and paid off, somehow.
I am hopeful that CK's company will address relocation assistance and we will begin our move to Canada.
I am hopeful it will be safe to take long drives and walk on the beach again.