So Tired of Being Tired
Today I finally had a long nap in my hammock. I found a pillow that worked just right and slept for nearly an hour after lunch. It was awesome even I'd other plans.
I'm accepting that the work I did over the weekend was tiring on multiple levels and some days I need to nap without judgement. I didn't sleep well, having bedtime anxiety spike and waking around 4 from a nightmare where I was trying to hide.
Most everything leaves me feeling angry and sad these days. I'm trying to stay fully present to the bits that bring comfort, connection, and joy.
Bit by Bit
Today I loaded up all the clothes. CK sorted through her closets today as well, looking for cold weather gear. Between us there were a dozen paper bags for Join.
I reached out to friends and a couple of folks have got back to me that they will have stuff off the Needs List. I'm really glad I reached out!
If had a plan at the beginning of the year to have a fancy tea. I wanted to encourage each friend to take home the tea cup and saucer they'd picked to use. This would address the small collection from my Grandmother's very large collection.
Following Marie Kondo's konmari philosophy, the tea cups don't bring me a lot of joy. They are delightful, beautiful items, but they too painfully reveal my family to me. Giving them to friends would bring me joy, so I'm considering how to do a COVID reboot.
Sorting: Clothing Edition
Today I sorted through eight large bins of clothing. Much of it doesn't fit, that which did fit just isn't what I'm wearing any longer. I sorted out 12 paper bags, half to go to an organization helping houseless citizens and the rest to Goodwill. There's a small amount of sentimental things. Thete was a few that fit again!
A couple of bins were CK's, which were sorted for best use as well. Tomorrow I'll move all the bags out of the house.
My back doesn't appreciate the effort, but my heart is lighter.
Obie threw up some water this evening, no food that I could find. He was also uninterested in bedtime meal again, not in the least so I needed to shoot house meds into his mouth. He's been crouching this evening at times, looking like he's uncomfortable. Trying to decide if it's time, if he's just not enjoying anything any more. We'll see how he is in the morning.
Joy, Amidst the Sorrow
CK received a commendation and small monetary reward for giving a presentation to another team. Then she received another significant bonus for the great year she and her team have had. All that and she loves her job!
I'm really proud of her. Doing good work this year takes so much more effort.
I'm also really grateful she has a job that truly values and celebrates her for who she is. It's such a refreshing change.
I managed to get several tasks done around the house and on my computer. All that despite sleeping poorly.
I've decided to stop judging myself for my insomnia. It's just what this time is. I had planned to teach a workshop on the Yoga of Sleep this year. Somehow struggling with insomnia again feels like failure. Like I'm a fraud because my tools aren't working for me right now.
Then the Smoke Came
A wind storm had knocked out power all over town. We've got LED lanterns staged around the house after several power flickers. With it has come forest fire smoke, filling the whole area rapidly as the wind picked up.
I'm grateful I took the opportunity to nap out in my hammock before this happened. CK texted me to come in just at I was checking the air quality, it had a faint whiff of campfire a little after 4pm.
I went out before making dinner to cut back some overgrown bamboo. The wind was whipping it around so hard that I was worried the tomatoes and sunflowers would be hit. I was glad I got my ventilator mask out for that prolonged task. Just from taking care of the dogs and dinner, easy BBQ tonight, I can tell I've been in the wood smoke.
All that and I fell trying get the distracted bulldog in. I'm fine, rolled right down with minimal scraping of skin. I caught my foot against a branch.
As if this year needed to be any more apocalyptic!
Obie Meds
It's going better, well he hasn't drawn any more blood. He bit me again tonight, left a bruise through my hoody.
The bite doesn't look good. CK is worried so we took a picture with a ruler to compare how it looks tomorrow. She asked me to message our doctor to ask how urgently I need a tetanus shot, or antibiotics if it isn't improving. I'm icing it before I sleep.
I got some CBD oil today and gave him a little with dinner. He's mostly chill, aside from biting me, didn't want 2nd dinner. It worries me we he's not food motivated. I'm worried I gave him too much.
I'm so grateful to neighborhood stores that do a good job with mask policies.
Today I tried out the Foodsaver! I'm stocking up the freezer with meat for CK. I'm going to inventory the dry goods, fill in the gaps between now and the election.
Obie vs. Pills
Obie got his first pill Thursday night, the over that's to help him stop vomiting. It was a pretty easy experience.
This morning I attempted the first steroid dose this morning. They are bitter and it didn't go smoothly. I got it in him, booty he also scratched me and drew blood in 6-7 places!
Bless AF who saw my tweets and offered up interim gel capsules to put bitter pills into and a pill popper tool. I choose to combine both his second doses of steroid and stomach pills into one capsule. Rather than give him 3 pulls daily.
I also wrapped him up. He still managed to bite me, no short sleeves for this job, but I got the pill into him more quickly.
We'll see how he does with the whole procedure and if the medication helps. The stomach one we're hopeful about, her hasn't thrown up in a few days.
September Sad
Obie most likely has lymphoma. He doesn't have many options and diagnostics won't reveal some miracle so we're going the palliative care route.
Hopefully we can get him to stop throwing up and gain some weight. He threw up again tonight. Nothing seems to trigger it, her just can't always keep his food down.
Her might respond well and have another year, he might only a few weeks.
2020 is the year that keeps on sucking.
End of August
Obie has lost five pounds since January, it's not good. We also can't seem to get control of his vomiting so today her got in to our vet. His kidneys are small and he has a golf ball sized, but not density, in his abdomen.
They took blood samples and more will be known tomorrow when the results are in. We're really hoping for hyperthyroidism.
A good friend, who happens to be something of an expert on disaster prepared, started off the day noting that she felt it wouldn't be a bad idea to prepare for civil unrest in November after the election. Prepare to lose power in late Autumn, have food stocked up, first aid supplies and a radio.
It's left me feeling down today. Amazingly I recorded a video and sent out a newsletter, and people found it helpful. The patches I took to the post office have started to arrive and people liked them.
Trying to keep all that in mind and not the rest of it; it will be there in the morning.
Another Body at a Protest
I'm pointedly staying away from social media right now. Tonight someone was killed in Portland during the protests. Tonight a right-wing group met at the Clackamas Town Center and drove into downtown Portland, shooting paintballs at people, spraying mace at people.
In the midst of all of this I'm trying to focus on feeding us simple meals today. Whiles CK napped I took nearly 1000 patches, across nearly 140 separate envelopes, to the post office. I also sent a strap and a handmade eye pillow off to a student who lives in Ohio. That's been waiting on me for a few weeks now. I put some origami cranes in with it too and a note.
We'll get to the hammock tomorrow. CK spent yesterday trying to stay alert and she was more tired and anxious today. I have had the patch and yoga prop mailing hanging over my head for weeks, so getting all that to the post office felt good. I also picked up our mail, checks, birthday cards, and a present from a student were waiting for me!
The anxiety we both felt seeing the convoy of Trump supporters was going through town with guns was pretty high. CK suggested we play a game on the bed; pretend camping. We played Hanabi which is lovely, doesn't need to stay perfectly in place, and is collaborative rather than competitive. It wasn't a total disaster when Bertie jumped up in the middle.
I'm hoping I can make plans for a couple of socially distant walks with friends this week. I'm thinking of making a trip through southeast next week to drop off another set of supplies with a friend and some small gifts for a friend who's not only doing regular compiling of the reporting on the protests in Portland, but has been going through a breakup as well.